The Hands of a Healer
by Evil Neptune
Summary: Based on the aftermath of Oracle of Seasons/Ages. A Subrosian with an ego finds the Harp of Ages, and he must save the world from an insane pyro with an even bigger ego and two Team Rocket wannabes.
1. Prologue

__

This story takes place long after the defeat of Ganon in the Oracles series of GBC Zelda games. Link is returned to Hyrule and the lands of Holodrum and Labrynna were returned to peace. But now, a new power threatens the linked lands… 

After rising from the secret underwater prison where the Zora race kept him captive and in check for millennia, the evil Torch King arose and began his conquest of the linked lands of Time and Nature. 

The Torch King commanded the power of destructive fire, and soon both lands became nothing but scorched volcanic desert. A hero was called in to try to save the lands, as a hero had saved the lands from Onox, Veran, and Twinrova. However, he failed in his quest to collect the Essences of Healing, and both Maku Trees were destroyed in the great fire that resulted from his defeat. Oceans, lakes, and swamps were filled with solidified lava, and no city, building, temple, person, animal, or enemy was left alive. Holodrum and Labrynna became wasteland. The Torch King then moved on to other pursuits

The goddesses of the lands, Nayru and Din, were taken captive by the King after the defeat of the inferior hero, and weren't seen again by any of the Gorons or Subrosians, the sole inhabitants of the lands being the only races resistant to fire. But the Goron Race, determined to make Labrynna and Holodrum life-supporting places again, began to search for them. 

However, the lands were still completely defenseless, without the protection of either the goddesses or the Maku Trees. If the Torch King ever returned, he would find it easy to destroy the land completely. The only known people who could control the King were the Zora, the People of the Water, and they were believed killed during the Era of Fire, as the time of waste on Holodrum and Labrynna began to be called. 

But then, an important discovery was made in Labrynna. The Harp of Ages was found again, dug up from the solidified lava where it had been lost by a Subrosian search team. Nobody recognized it for what it was… nobody except one brave and wise Subrosian who remembered the old days before the Era of Fire. He took the harp himself… and traveled into the past.

The Subrosian, whose name was Racu, knew that the only way to save the future was to change the past. He himself had to take the place of the inferior hero. He himself had to find the Essences of Healing during the time before the Era of Fire when somebody had the chance to. He was the one who could prevent the greatest disaster in the history of the linked lands from ever happening.


	2. Chapter 1: Maple is a Valley Girl? Huh?

**__**

Chapter 1

AUTHORS NOTES, DISCLAIMERS, AND OTHER RANDOM JUNK:

I don't own Zelda characters (Vasu, Maku Trees, King Zora, etc.) or settings, but I DO own the plot and my original characters (Racu, Team Gemini, Zora Sage, etc.). Also, because I don't like the terms Past and Present (it's all relative, right?) to describe times, you will hear me describe the "Ages" of Labrynna and Holodrum. The First Age was in the time of Labrynna's Past. The Second Age is the time of Labrynna's Present or the time when Link was collecting the Essences of Nature in Holodrum. The Third Age was the time immediately after the defeat of Onox in 

Holodrum or the time when Labrynna was "fixed" in the Present. The Fourth Age is after the Era of Fire (see the Prologue for details). Enough boring stuff! On with the story!

"Tune of Ages!" shouted Racu as he began to move his fingers along the slender harp strings of the ancient Harp of Ages. "Take me to the Third Age of Holodrum!" He felt a little dizzy as time swept past him in great clumps, but it was over in less than five seconds. The world looked… different…

Humans were standing all around him. Real humans. Not Gorons or Subrosians, but human beings, with that soft flesh of theirs that could easily by destroyed by lava. He was in Horon Village.

Racu walked north through town, looking for the Maku Tree. However, on the way, he got lost and instead found a long house with a soft patch of earth outside. Thinking to ask directions, Racu went in. 

"Hello?" Racu uncertainly asked the sleeping man in the chair.

"Wh-what?" the man mumbled, falling out of his light nap.

"Hi," said Racu. "I'm uh…not from around here, and I was wondering, can you tell me where the Maku Tree is? I need to talk to him."

"The Maku Tree?" the man said. "Of course. Just go down, around past Vasu's ring shop and over to the stairs." The man suddenly looked suspicious. "You aren't another hero, are you?"

"Oh no," replied Racu. "Link is enough of a hero for you. I'm just here to… uh… deliver a message."

"Very well," replied the man. "But before you go, since your not from around here, let me give you a gift."

*Racu received a Gasha Seed!*

"Plant that in the soft soil outside, kill some monsters, come back, and you'll get something really cool! Bye the way, I'm Mayor Plen of Horon Village. Who are you?"

"Racu, of… of the Lava Plain," replied Racu after some thought.

"Really? I've never heard of the Lava Plain. Is that a new colony of Subrosians somewhere?" 

"Uh, yeah, it's… umm… quite a ways away. And not really in location either… anyway, I gotta go, thanks for the Gasha Seed!" And Racu hurried out of the house, leaving Mayor Plen quite bewildered.

Racu followed Mayor Plen's directions and headed south. His conspicuous green Subrosian lava robes attracted some stares, but once the humans had identified his race, they mostly smiled and turned back to their business. 

About halfway to the large building with a ring sign above it that Racu saw in the distance, he noticed two teenage boys following him, but staying out of sight. Racu regarded them with some concern, but felt it unnecessary to do anything just yet. They were far away and probably just interested in his obvious Subrosian figure.

Passing Vasu's ring shop, Racu looked back again and noticed something even more disturbing about the boys- they were both in a uniform consisting of black robes with an icon of two boys linking hands entwined around a large, radical-looking letter "G" imprinted in white on their backs. This time, Racu did not ignore the boys, but didn't approach them either. He opened his pack and equipped his Boomerang to his right hand (his weapon hand). With a final nervous glance at his followers, he proceeded east and then north towards the Maku Tree Gate. 

When he reached the gate and a sign reading "Maku Tree," however, he found his way blocked by a large fence. "Now what do I do," muttered Racu to himself.

Suddenly, a shout came from behind him. "Hold it right there, mister!" said one of the boys.

"Don't go a step further!" announced the other.

They rushed up to him, surrounding him and blocking the way between himself and the fence. "We are Team Gemini," said one of the boys. "My name is Castor."

"And mine is Pollux," the other continued.. "We are twin amateur heroes with powers that you probably can't guess"

"And we don't think you belong in Horon Village, or anywhere near the Maku Tree. Do you happen to know anyone by the name of General Onox?"

"General Onox was just defeated," Racu said worriedly. "He isn't a threat anymore. I don't work for him, if that's what you're thinking."

"You aren't human. That's for sure," Pollux accused. "I think you look like a Subrosian!"

"Cursed lava-worshippers," spat Castor. "They have no respect for nature, or growing things…"

"That's not true!" snapped Racu. "I'll have you know that I am visiting the Maku Tree with a message that could mean life or death of all Holodrum!"

"Oh, another hero," sneered Castor. "We have no use for them either. We're the heroes now!"

The two boys drew their L1 Wooden Swords. "And if you really are powerful enough to see the Maku Tree, you'd better prove it to us, huh?"

Racu had just enough time to ready his L1 Boomerang and L1 Wooden Shield before the boys assumed fighting stances and began the attack.

Team Gemini was clearly experienced at fighting as a team. Racu engaged one boy's sword with his shield and had to whip around to parry the other boy's attack quickly as he lunged in from behind. While Castor thought Pollux had him occupied, however, he quickly hooked his Boomerang behind him, stunning Castor. Pollux proved a harder fight, though after the defeat of Castor he became less offensive and more defensive. Pollux used his Wooden Shield to block various angles of Boomerang throws from Racu, and Racu wished heartily that he had a L2 Magic Boomerang. However, one of his shots got lucky while Pollux was trying to return to using his sword, and Pollux too was stunned.

At that instant, the fence guarding the Maku Tree fell apart, allowing him access, just as Team Gemini began to regain use of their muscles. The last Racu heard from them before the Maku Fence slammed shut again was, "This isn't the last you've seen of us, Subrosian!"

"So what you're trying to tell me," the Maku Tree questioned about half an hour later, "is that all of Holodrum and Labrynna, including me and my counterpart, are about to be burned to a crispy lava flow by some evil destruction-loving fire king?"

"Uh, yeah, essentially," Racu stammered uncomfortably. 

"Hmm, interesting," the Maku Tree said. "I need proof that you tell the truth, though. Show me the Harp of Ages."

Slowly, reverently, Racu lifted the Harp from his pack and equipped it to his left hand in place of the Shield. The Maku Tree looked closely at it, as closely as a tree can.

"Yes, that is the genuine Harp," the Tree said gravely. "You will need it, if we are to prevent this disaster from ever happening."

"Will I myself have to stop the Torch King?" Racu questioned. 

"Yes," replied the Maku Tree. "You are the one the Harp has found. You are the one to complete the quest. But I warn you- beware false heroes, ones who think they are chosen but aren't. There are many of these. Now, as you say, there is only one race who can stop Destructive Fire as an element, and that is the Zora. Only they know the secret of Healing Water. To see the Zora, you'll have to go to Labrynna. I don't think I can manage a portal further than my counterpart in Labrynna…"

"That's fine," Racu assured him. "I'm sure the Labrynnian Maku Tree will be able to take me further…"

"Good," replied the Maku Tree. "Now, I send you… to Labrynna, the Land of Time!"

Again, Racu felt that feeling, like he was being sucked through something and time was bumping along behind him at an amazing speed. At long last, much longer than it had taken for him to use the Harp, he fell with a bump and landed in a small room much like the one he had just left, and found himself again staring up at an ancient tree.

"Do you know why I am here?" Racu asked the new Maku Tree as he stood up. 

"My brother in Holodrum has told me. You are here to prevent the future destruction of Labrynna and Holodrum, correct?" Racu nodded mutely. "I'm afraid that I cannot tell you what must be done. But there are others who can."

"The Zora," Racu guessed. "Correct. But… you can't go to Zora's Domain the way you are. Surely you know that a Subrosian will die if exposed to water?"

"Well, yes," Racu conceded. "I have to see King Zora, though! Do you have a suggestion as to how?"

"Well, yes," replied the Maku Tree. "But… it would require some sacrifice on your part. I would have to… well… transform you into something other than a Subrosian, and the transformation would be permanent."

"WHAT!?!?" screeched Racu. "I'm sorry, but you clearly misunderstand the pride of the Subrosian Race-"

"Do you want to stop the Era of Fire from destroying the Linked Lands or not?" asked the Maku Tree with a trace of irritation. "It's our only chance. You found the Harp of Ages, so you are the one true hero who was meant to stop the Torch King… only, you were born a few decades too late."

Racu sighed. The things he did to save the world. "All right," he conceded. "What do I have to become?"

"For now," began the Maku Tree, "I am going to transform you into a Hylian with the Mermaid Suit, just like Link was when he visited the Zora. Closing your eyes might be a good idea…"

Racu squeezed his eyes and braced himself for what he was sure would be considerable pain, (after all, he was losing his crucial Subrosian pride! His lava-proof robes!) but he felt nothing at all. In fact, he was still waiting when the Maku Tree announced, "You can look now."

Racu slowly opened one eye and glanced down at his feet. They had green boots. He opened the other eye and glanced at his body. He was wearing a skirt. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed. "I'M WEARING A SKIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ACK! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

Suddenly, a new voice spoke. "Dude, like, take a chill pill or something!"

Racu whirled around to find himself facing a slightly shadowy-looking teenage girl riding a flying saucer zooming around the Maku Tree's base.

"Maple!" exclaimed the Maku Tree. "I thought I told you no more harassing heroes, after stealing all of poor Link's items…"

"Well, gag me with a spoon! He stole most of mine, anyway," the new girl defended herself. "So, skirt boy," she addressed Racu, "Are you like, totally related to Link or something? Because you, like, totally look like him!"

Racu stood facing the witch (for she had to be the same witch Maple he had read about, who had harassed Link during his quest) in speechless shock. At this, Maple threw back her head and laughed. The Maku Tree interrupted.

"I don't believe Subrosians get much contact with valley girl kleptomaniacs, especially Subrosians from the future."

Maple stopped laughing abruptly. "Oooo, he's a Subrosian? Oooo!" she said keenly. Then, suddenly, she stopped "Oooo!"-ing abruptly and said, "Oooo, he's from the future? Oooo!"

The Maku Tree rolled its eyes (as much as a tree can, anyway). "Racu, I've given Maple instructions that she is to help you along your quest, because she can deliver items and messages from me extremely quickly using her flying saucer."

Maple's eyes lit up. "Yeah, I stole so many Rupees from Link that I was able to upgrade from that stupid old vacuum I had during the non-linked game," she explained. "Maybe I'll steal enough from you to-"  
"Excuse me, young lady!" the Maku Tree interrupted in a reprimanding tone. "I thought we'd gone over this!"

"Yeah, yeah, no being evil to the hero this time," Maple sighed. "Maybe I'll go harass those Team Gemini idiots I saw walking by the ring shop. Ciao!" With that, she jabbed a few buttons on her flying saucer and zoomed off, scattering a few leaves in her wake.

"I've told her to help you, but you'll want to watch out for her also," the Maku Tree cautioned. "There's no telling what kinds of mischief that one might get up to. Teenagers," she sighed. "Well, now, before I give you the item that will transport you to Zora's Domain, take this!"

*Racu received a Magic Ring!*

"Take that to Vasu's Ring Shop, and he'll appraise it for you. It will make your transformation a bit easier. Now, take this crystal."

*Racu received the Zora String!*

"Tie this onto your Harp of Ages," the Maku Tree commanded. "Whenever you need to go to Zora's Domain, strum that harp string. Now, I'll send a letter to King Zora ahead of you so you won't have to brief him and delay yourself longer. Begone!"

And so, feeling very apprehensive, Racu walked out of the Maku Tree's Area and headed for Vasu's Ring Shop. Inside Vasu's, the jeweler took a close look at the ring through his eyeglass.

"I call this the Subrosian Ring!" exclaimed Vasu. "You can put it on to become a Subrosian!" Racu smiled. The Maku Tree had been very thoughtful. Whenever he needed to feel his robes around him again… just slip this on, and… "Now, do you have a ring box?" Vasu asked.

"No," replied Racu, wondering what a ring box was.

"Well, here, I'll give you one," replied Vasu.

*Racu received a Ring Box!*

"You can store your ring in here. And no more free gifts from me, mind you! If you want me to appraise more rings, it'll be 20 Rupees!"

"Okay," Racu replied. "Thank you!"

"No problem!" Vasu replied. "Have a safe trip!"

"If only…" Racu muttered as soon as he was out of Vasu's earshot.

Racu whipped out his Harp of Ages and tied the Zora Harpstring onto it. Then, feeling apprehensive again, he gave the Zora Harpstring a quick pluck and felt himself being whipped through time and space once again.

Almost instantaneously this time, he arrived the in the palace of King Zora.

"Blub-blub-blubber butt, blub, why are you here?" asked the immensely fat fish king.

"The Maku Tree sent a message, didn't she?" asked Racu worriedly. "Blub… ah, yes… blub, blub, blubber butt you'll need to see the blub Zora Sage for that."

"Zora Sage?" questioned Racu, eyeing the Zora's immense stomach that quivered whenever he said "Blub."

"Head in blub back," replied the King. Come see me, blub, before you depart, blub, and I'll have a present for you."

"Err… thanks," replied Racu, and hurried off before the King got hungry. He did not want to watch him eat.

Racu hurried off behind the giant King to the door he had indicated. Slipping inside rather nervously, he didn't see anything in the room except two lighted torches. "Umm, excuse me?" he asked, rather squeakily. "Anybody home?"

"Come closer, my child," a voice hissed. Racu jumped about six feet in the air and landed on his face. "Yessssss, my child," hissed the voice. "I know of your quest and how you must achieve it. Speak no words, and I will tell you what must be done.

"The way to stop the Torch King lies in the healing powers of the Silver Stone, which lies in the vault behind me. However, the vault has been sealed for millions of years, because it was never needed. The only way that you can open the vault is by collecting the eight Essences of Healing from the various dungeons around Holodrum and Labrynna. This will prove that you have the hands of a healer, and allow you, and only you, access to the Stone." Suddenly, the strange Zora lapsed out of his hissy-mysterious voice and spoke in a falsely cheerful monotone. 

"Would you like me to repeat what I just said?" he asked annoyingly. 

"Uh, no thanks," replied Racu shakily, backing away slowly. "I know what I have to do. Collect the eight Essences of Healing- not easily, I'm sure- and then using them to prove that I have the hands of a healer, and then getting this silver stone thing and using it in some unbelievably difficult final boss battle. Yep, I got it. See ya!" And Racu raced out the door, away from all the crazy Zoras, ready to begin this impossible quest.


	3. Chapter 2: Tingle the Fairy Hunter and E...

**__**

Chapter 2

AUTHOR'S NOTES, DISCLAIMERS, AND OTHER RANDOM JUNK:

If you are a Nintendo exec who wants to sue me, read the disclaimer at the beginning of Chapter 1. In fact, if you are anybody who hasn't read Chapter 1 yet go read that, because this story is difficult to understand if you jump in at Chapter 2. Or any later chapter, for that matter. Okay, maybe I should shut up now. 

As Racu left the cavern of the Zora Sage, he spoke to the King Zora one last time to see what gift he had to give. It seemed like every single person he had met so far (except Maple and Team Gemini) had some kind of gift or something to give him. 

"Blub, blubber, take this Zora Scale," said the King. 

*Racu received the Zora Scale!*

(A/N: I'm going to stop doing that little *You recieved the _________* thing now because it takes forever to format unless it's for a really special item, like an Essence of Healing.)

"You'll need it, blub, to get, blub, into the Sea of Storms, blub, blub, blubber butt. I can also tell you, blub, that the first dungeon is, blub, on the coast north of here in the Fairies' Woods. Uuuuuhhhh, you wouldn't have any Zora Pork Rinds, would you?"

"Err, no," replied Racu, eyeing the King's belly again. 

"Well, if you find some, blub, I'd be most grateful. Got to keep my blub, weight level up. Doctors orders. Blubber, blub, goodbye!"

Racu left Zora's Domain rather hurriedly and surfaced. Then, he began to swim north, toward the coastline, but was intercepted halfway through by a man floating around over the ocean on a giant balloon. Racu looked up, equipped his Harp of Ages and grabbed a rock off an island, placed the rock on a harp string, pulled back, and let fly.

With an enormous POP! the balloon broke into bits and the elf-like creature holding it fell to the ground. "TINGLE, TINGLE, KOOLOO LIMPAH!" screamed the man. "TINGLE GETS WET!!!! TINGLE GETS WET!!!! TINGLE DOESN'T LIKE TO GET WET!!!! OOOH, GET POOR TINGLE OUT OF THE COOOOOLD WATER!"

Racu stared in amazement at the Tingle creature, who seemed to be slowly drowning, for almost a full minute before realizing suddenly that he needed help. "Okay, one minute, Tingle," he said, "And I'll swim you to shore."

"TINGLE IS GLAD TO HAVE HELP FROM NICE CREATURE!" The odd little man grabbed onto Racu's robes and he began paddling slowly toward shore, which was difficult because Tingle kept muttering darkly about "coooooold water" and dragging him downward. When they reached shore, Tingle turned around to face him.

"Thank you, thank you, nice little creature," said Tingle. "Tingle is glad that-" suddenly, Tingle broke off abruptly and stared at Racu as though seeing him for the first time. "ARE YOU A FOREST FAIRY?!?!?!?!?!" he screeched. "A what?" Racu asked confusedly. "MY FAIRY! HE HAS COME AT LAST! HOORAY! TINGLE IS SAVED!"

"Uh, Tingle? I'm not a fairy," Racu attempted to explain. 

"OH, TINGLE KNEW HIS FAIRY WOULD COME SOMEDAY," the elf-man shrieked, taking no notice of Racu's words. Finally, Racu drew a breath and screamed "I'M NOT A FAIRY!" at the top of his lungs. Tingle fell suddenly silent. "Y-y-you're not?" he asked sadly. "Well, Tingle will keep waiting then."

"Say, Tingle," he asked suddenly, remembering the King Zora's words. "Do you know about any cavern in the coast near the Fairies' Woods?"

Upon hearing the keyword "fairies" Tingle began screaming again. "THE FAIRIES WOODS!" Tingle screamed. "MY HOME SWEET HOME! TINGLE MUST GO BACK TO THE FAIRIES WOODS! HE WILL TAKE LITTLE GREEN PERSON WITH HIM! COME, COME!"

Tingle withdrew a small red balloon from a pouch on his rear, blew it up with much huffing and puffing, and dragged himself and Racu into the air. They were off, going northwest toward the Fairies' Woods.

Eventually, they reached a small opening in the rock coast below the Fairies' Woods, where faint strands of insanely annoying music could be heard blasting. "Here is the dark, spooky cave," Tingle said, "But poor Tingle is too scared to go in spooky cave."

"It's okay, Tingle," said Racu. "I'll go in by myself."

"NO WAIT!" screamed Tingle in such a way that Racu was sure he was hyperventilating. "Tingle must say his magic words first! TINGLE, TINGLE, KOOLOO LIMPAH! There! He invented them himself. Don't you steal them!"

"Er, don't worry, Tingle," Racu replied uncertainly. "I wasn't planning to."

Racu let go of Tingle's balloon and dropped down into the water, then swam two feet into

*** Level 1: Stalactite Cave ***

As soon as he entered the cavern, Racu slipped on his Subrosian Ring, so he could feel more at home with his skills. Exiting up from the first room, Racu saw a room that was filled with monsters. He stunned them all easily with his Subrosian boomerang, but without a sword, he couldn't defeat any of them and open the path to the next room. Therefore, he left the room back to the entry room and went right. In this room, he was shocked by what he saw. 

A teen-aged Hylian girl was trapped in a cage of stalactites that had fallen off the ceiling. She was lying on the ground because several of the stalactites had pierced her clothing and were pinning her there. She was struggling to no avail. Behind her stalactite prison lay a treasure chest.

Racu quickly took off his Subrosian Ring and walked up to her. "Need a little help?" he asked.

"Ah, yes, please," she told him. "I know this makes me look like a klutz, but trust me, this wasn't my fault…"

Racu whipped out his Boomerang and shot it at each stalactite in turn. They all shattered into tiny rock shards. 

"Thanks," she said. "Let me tell you how this happened to me. Princess Zelda sent me from Hyrule to try to collect the Essences of Healing, because she foresaw that Holodrum and Labrynna were about to fall into grave danger again. I said I would, but when I got here to the first dungeon, I was ambushed by two weird guys in identical robes- they called themselves Team Gemini or something. They told me that they were the heroes now and they somehow made all these stalactites fall on me! Then they ran off, probably to collect the next Essence of Healing."

"Team Gemini?" Racu asked sharply. "I've had some problems with them."

Racu quickly sorted out the information he had been given. This must mean that the hero Zelda had sent, this girl, hadn't been the inferior one. In the course of history that led up to his life, she had probably died in this prison here, and it had been Team Gemini who had failed. So they messed up history… and caused the destruction of Holodrum and Labrynna. 

"We have to collect the Essence in here before Team Gemini does," Racu realized aloud. "Trust me on this. This may sound odd, but I come from the future, and I know-"

"The future?" exclaimed the girl. 

"Yes, the future," said Racu impatiently. "A future of doom. I hate to tell you this, but in the future I come from, you died in this prison of stalactites, the Team Gemini failed to collect the Essences, and both Labrynna and Holodrum were destroyed. That's why we have to collect all the Essences before Team Gemini does."

"All right, I'm with you," said the girl. "My name's Eliza, but you can call me Liz. What's your name?" 

"Racu," Racu replied tersely. "Come on, I need to find a sword so I can defeat all the enemies in the next room."

Liz opened the treasure chest behind where the stalactites had fallen only to reveal- A L1 Wooden Sword! "Take it," she said. "I already have one." She whipped out her own sword and did a spin attack.

"Cool," said Racu. "Let's go."

The two heroes backtracked to the room with all the enemies and quickly dispatched the three Tektites, four Floormasters, and one Moblin before proceeding to the next room. The next room was quite empty. 

"I have a bad feeling about this…" said Racu. 

Suddenly, from the ceiling, a small little rock with two arms, each hand balled in a fist that was easily ten times the size of it's small body.

"The mini-boss," announced Liz. "Rocksmasher!"

Rocksmasher began the battle by pounding his fist into the ground, causing tons of stalactites to fall. Liz and Racu leaped clear. Racu drew his sword and charged, dodging the Rocksmasher's fists, and did a Spin Attack on the body. It had no effect.

Racu was stunned for a moment, and one of the fists came down on his head, doing considerable damage. Racu leapt out just as Liz jumped and slashed one of the fists. Again, no effect.

"Alright," said Liz. "Try taking this."

She drew a Bomb from her pack and threw it at the Rocksmasher. It exploded, causing one of the Rocksmasher's fists to fall off. Racu, by this time, had exchanged his sword for his trusty Boomerang, and threw it at the Rocksmasher's body. This time, it did damage.

"He's like an Armos Knight," Racu shouted to Liz. "Bomb him, then use the Boomerang!"

Before Rocksmasher could really recover, Liz threw another bomb, stunning him once more, and Racu Boomeranged off his second fist. With no fists left, Rocksmasher had no more way to do damage. Drawing their swords, Liz and Racu ran at Rocksmasher at the same time, both slashing him at once, causing his tiny boulder body to explode.

"Yay, we won!" said Liz as a warp portal to the entrance and the door leading onward opened. "You take the fairy," she said as the small healing creature appeared. "You got injured more than I did."

"Yes, thank you for defeating that thing for us," said two new voices as Team Gemini stepped through the warp portal.

"I see you escaped from your prison," sneered Pollux. "Not to say, of course, that we won't just put you both in another one!"

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure, said Racu, stepping forward and drawing his sword. "Remember me, your old friend?" 

"Step aside, fool," snarled Castor. "We have better-"

But he was cut off short as Racu slipped on his Subrosian Ring and Team Gemini suddenly recognized him. 

"YOU!" screeched both brothers at the same time. They drew their swords and the fight was on. 

Racu stepped in with a quick Spin Attack, knocking both brothers back, and then he whirled around to catch Castor in the side. Unfortunately, as he was doing this, Pollux sidestepped Racu's wild swing backward and hit Racu's unguarded right side. Now, Castor was back up again as well, and Racu didn't have time for another Spin Attack. He slashed at Pollux, knocking him to his knees, but Castor was slashing him in the back. He was losing hearts quickly.

It was almost all over when suddenly, with a furious Spin Attack followed by several short swipes, Liz stepped in with her own sword, slashing Castor. Racu continued until Pollux was defeated, Liz took on Castor, until both twins were out. 

"Well, congratulations this time," they said. "But there are other fish in the sea and other Essences in Labrynna!"

Both brothers stepped into the Warp Portal and were gone.

Liz stood facing the warp portal, with her fists balled. "Those two imbeciles…" she growled.

"C'mon," said Racu. "This dungeon isn't beaten yet."

Liz turned around and faced him. "By the way," she said, "can I see what stuff you have? I noticed you have a Subrosian Ring…"

"Sure," said Racu, "but it isn't much. I've got a Subrosian Boomerang, a L1 Wooden Shield, my Sword, and that Subrosian Ring I showed you."

"Cool," Liz said. "I've got 8 bombs left after that battle with Rocksmasher, a L1 Wooden Sword and Shield, and a Seed Satchel with 20 Ember, Scent, and Pegasus seeds. Anyway, I think we'd better move on."

They left the mini-boss room through the open door and continued north, finding a Small Key in a chest to their north. Using it in the north lock in a room to their left, they found a puzzle involving hitting four statues arranged in a horizontal rectangle within 1 second of each other. Racu figured out how to solve it by having Liz plant a bomb by the upper-left one then run and slash the lower-left one as the bomb exploded, while he stood at the lower-right statue and released his Boomerang at the upper-right statue as he slashed the statue he stood by. This revealed a chest containing the Boss Key.

"We're making real progress now," said Liz. "Just a few more rooms to go before we face the boss…"

"And we're supposed to look forward to that?" asked Racu. 

They retraced their steps one room and went west another room to find a room filled with Keese and what looked like a lighting-torches puzzle. Racu and Liz quickly dispatched the Keese and began solving yet ANOTHER exciting puzzle.

"Hmm," said Liz. "We have to light these four torches. Seems easy enough."

She pulled out her Seed Satchel and grabbed an Ember Seed. 

"Hurry up, alright?" complained Racu. "I'm bored already."

"Don't worry, I'm going," said Liz as she began to loop around the four torches, lighting each one with an Ember Seed. Fifteen minutes later, she was still looping.

"WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?!?" screeched Liz. "I go AROUND and AROUND and AROUND, and I NEVER SEEM TO GET ALL FOUR TORCHES LIT!"

Racu had been watching Liz with amusement. "By the time you get all the way around, the first torch has gone out. You need two people. And I can't help you because I don't have a Seed Satchel."

"ARGH! You mean you watched me do this for FIFTEEN MINUTES and NEVER SAID ANYTHING!?!?!?!?!"

"Uh, yeah?" replied Racu uncertainly.

When Liz finished screaming, both heroes began to search the room for another way to solve the puzzle. Racu was the first one to notice the weak wall at the bottom of the room. 

"Hey Liz," he shouted across the room to where she was poking one of the torches with her sword. "Toss me a bomb!"

She looked up. "What for?" she shouted back.

"Just toss me one, okay?" Racu shouted back. 

Liz pulled out a bomb with a wicked grin on her face and tossed it just as it was about to explode. "ARGH!" shouted Racu as it exploded all over him. "THAT HURT!"

Liz snickered and went back to her poking. Racu noticed that the bomb had destroyed the weak wall. "Cool!" he said before going in. Liz didn't notice.

Racu found a small room containing a Beamos and three Red Wizzrobes.

"ARGH!" he screamed. "THE TWO MOST ANNOYING MONSTERS IN THE GAME! You mean I have to defeat two RANDOMLY TELEPORTING Red Wizzrobes while dodging a BEAMOS also! This is impossible!"

Twenty minutes later and several hearts fewer, Racu managed to defeat all the Wizzrobes. When he did this, the Beamos suddenly transformed into a treasure chest. "Yay!" said Racu as he opened the treasure chest for his very own Seed Satchel with Ember and Mystery seeds. He walked back into the room where Liz was, where she was attempting to blow up the torches with her bombs.

"Hey Liz," he shouted. "I have a Seed Satchel now!"

"Oh, goody," she said without emphasis as a bomb exploded in her face. "I need a Bombproof Ring… anyway, lets solve the puzzle."

Liz lit two torches and Racu lit two more, which revealed a treasure chest containing the final Small Key. They took this back to the room above the mini-boss room and used it on the other side. Then, after making sure they were all healed and fully stocked with Seeds and Bombs, they entered the Boss Door.

The room was silent at first. Then, a steady "drip, drip" of water onto the floor from a stalactite on the ceiling began. It was eerie.

"Where's the boss?" Racu asked as the water dripping from the ceiling began to form a stream.

"Dunno," replied Liz, nonplussed, as the water began to run towards her. She began walking towards the center of the room. Suddenly, when she was less than two inches away from the stream, the stream of water exploded into a giant floating water droplet.

"I am Calcafos," said the giant water droplet THING. "Can you take my mighty cave-carving limestone watery MIGHT?!?!?!?!"

"Uh, we'll get back to you on that one," Racu muttered as Calcafos drenched Liz with calcite acid. Racu drew his sword and shield and raced at Calcafos. He slashed the giant water droplet in half and it fell to the ground, motionless.

"I get a weird feeling about this," said Liz as she backed away slowly. Suddenly, the two half droplets became two full-sized Calcafoes! (proper plural of Calcafos)

"DON'T USE YOUR SWORD!" Liz screeched as Racu prepared to bring his blade down on one of them. Racu looked at her, and paid for his lapse in concentration by getting drenched in poison. "It'll just make more of them," Liz explained. "Let's try another method."

She drew a Bomb and threw it right into the center of the Calcafos nearest her. It exploded, shattering the Calcafos into a million raindrops. "Yay, I did it!" shouted Liz happily.

"Um, Liz?" Racu asked, as he pointed behind her. 

"WE DID IT WE DID IT WE DID IT!" she continued happily. 

"LIZ! LOOK BEHIND YOU!" Racu screamed twice as loudly. Behind Liz, each little raindrop had turned into a full-sized Calcafos and they were all coming towards her, shooting droplets of poison water.

"OH MY DEAR SWEET TRIFORCE!" Liz screamed in pure terror. 

"Quick, try another tack," thought Racu. On a hunch he drew out his Seed Satchel and took a Seed of each type- Ember and Mystery- in each hand. He threw the Ember seeds at one group of Calcafoes, the Mystery seeds at the other group. The Ember seeds caused the water in the Calcafoes to evaporate, forming a stalactite on the ceiling, while the Mystery seeds caused them to harden where they were, forming a stalagmite. However, the boss still wasn't finished with them, as the stalactite and stalagmite began to inch closer and closer to the two heroes.

"Try a bomb now, Liz" suggested Racu. Liz drew two bombs. One she threw at the stalagmite right away. It blew up into fragments and rock dust. For the other, she waited until it was about to explode before throwing it up. As she hoped, it blew up near the ceiling before coming back down, and the stalactite was destroyed as well.

"HOORAY!" screamed Liz. "This time, we REALLY beat Calcafos!"

Two Heart Containers appeared, one where each rock formation had been, and a door to the next room opened. In the next room, Liz and Racu climbed the stairs to receive

*You received the Infused Water, an Essence of Healing!*

The two heroes congratulated themselves as they were warped out of the dungeon, wondering what the next challenge would be.


	4. Chapter 3: Flying Saucer Ride of DOOM!!!...

**__**

Chapter 3

AUTHOR'S NOTES, DISCLAIMERS, AND OTHER RANDOM JUNK:

I don't own Zelda. Figured that out yet? Property of Nintendo, Capcom, and whoever else. In the Author's Notes section, we also have some corrections from previous chapters. First, I called the mayor of Horon Village "Mayor Plen" when in fact it should have been "Mayor Ruul." Second, the coast off of the Fairies' Woods is due west of the South Shore, not northwest. Third, I believe I referred to the Labrynnian Maku Tree with male pronouns, when she is actually female (it's male in Holodrum). Sorry about those mistakes, but I'm too lazy to go back and update them in previous chapters. Besides, that would mean waiting longer for your next chapter, and you don't want THAT, do you? Also, one more thing before I shut up and let you read what you came here to read. A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed!!! It makes me feel so special! Also, it encourages me to write more if I get more reviews, so in the future I will only begin work on another chapter after receiving AT LEAST one review. I don't care if you hate the story, review anyway and tell me why you hate it so that I can fix it! PLEASE! And if you love it, review also and tell me how much! And if you only mildly like it or mildly dislike it, REVIEW ALSO! PLEEEEAAAASE! You will make my day if you do. And now, on with the fic.

After emerging from the L1 Dungeon, Racu's vision went dark and he saw an image of those little flying hearts that mean the Labrynnian Maku Tree is contacting you. 

"Racu! I've received news of the next Essence from my brother in Holodrum! It awaits you in a place I have never heard of before called "Sunken City." Congratulations on rescuing the Hylian hero and defeating the Team Gemini. The brothers were caught by Maple after they left the L1 Dungeon and sealed up in a room full of insane Zoras, so you won't have problems with them in the near future. I'm sending Maple by flying saucer to get you to Holodrum. Good luck!"

Racu blinked and turned to Liz. "Any idea how the Maku Tree communicates psychically?"

"What?" she asked, bewildered. 

"You mean he hasn't talked to you with his little creepy flying hearts? What the heck are those flying hearts supposed to be, anyway? His brains? Maybe he can throw his brains long distances to talk to you… or maybe I don't want to think about it…"

Liz was looking sick, and so Racu quickly suggested that they swim to shore and figure out what to do from there. No sooner had they arrived than Racu was promptly run over by a large flying saucer with a teenaged witch riding on it.

"Hey, wazzap?" she asked, flying around and grabbing Rupees that Racu had dropped and paying no attention to Racu himself, who was peeling himself off the ground.

"Put down his stuff this instant!" Liz shouted, drawing her sword.

Maple stopped in her tracks. "Who're you?" she asked unflatteringly.

"A Hylian hero…" she muttered. "Just like every other hero these days… except the fake ones. Who are you, Miss Witch, and what do you think you're doing racketing around on that stupid flying saucer?"

"Hey!" Maple shouted defensively. "I'll take my saucer wherever I want!"

Liz rolled her eyes and turned to Racu, who had managed to get himself into a standing position without major injury and was now eyeing the flying saucer apprehensively. "C'mon," Liz told him. "Let's head out before she runs me over too."

Racu shook his head and winced, partly from the pain, partly from the prospect of what was to come. "We can't," he said. "We're supposed to ride that thing to Holodrum for the next Essence."

Liz turned pale. "We're riding with that jerk of a valley girl?"

"They don't have valley girls in this dimension, for your 411," sneered Maple annoyingly. "Here, we're called 'annoying little witches.'"

"Gee, how descriptive," muttered Racu. 

"Well, get on this thing!" screeched Maple. "I haven't got all day!"

"If it isn't one thing, it's another!" shouted Racu, finally losing it. "First green skirts instead of robes, then using a weapon other than a boomerang, then FLYING! OFF OF THE GROUND! There is NO RESPECT for Subrosian pride these days…" He stopped short, realizing what he'd just said.

"YOU'RE A SUBROSIAN?" screamed Liz. "WHY THE HECK DIDN'T You TELL ME?!?!?!?!?!? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST YOUR SUCKY RING!"

"Well, there were lots of reasons…" muttered Racu, but Liz was continuing without an answer.

"I THOUGHT I TRUSTED YOU! YOU'RE PROBABLY IN LEAGUE WITH THIS LITTLE WITCH HERE-"

"Hey!" said Maple. "Only I'm allowed to call myself a witch!"

"On the other hand," continued Liz thoughtfully, "It's pretty difficult to keep your sanity and still be in league with this witch…"

"What in the Holy Triforce does everyone have against Subrosians?" asked Racu, more than a little annoyed.

"Well," continued Liz quickly, "nothing, I guess, if they're trying to save the world, but, well… they have a reputation as being kind of destructive… you know, they live underground and bathe in lava… you know, weird!"

Racu was definitely annoyed now. "For your 411, to quote Maple, lava baths are very helpful to the skin and relaxing! They give you extra outer skin strength as well as providing a number of natural dissolved-rock vitamins and nutrients…"

"Oh, forget it," said Liz, "but it's no wonder you had trouble with Team Gemini."

"Hey, you had trouble with those clowns also, so I wouldn't be talking," huffed Racu. "I'll be glad when this is all over and I can soak in some relaxing intrusive lava and practice our Subrosian Dance…"

Taking a deep breath, he clambered on to the flying saucer, followed by Liz, and they were off to the land of Holodrum.

Some time later, Maple flew over the cliff over Sunken City and pressed a button. The flying saucer quickly flipped upside-down, dumping Racu and Liz on top of Witch Syrup's Potion Shop, crashing through the ceiling. Racu jumped up to yell at Maple, but she was gone.

Witch Syrup was, well… furious would be an understatement.

"THAT TEENAGED ALIEN-WANABE IDIOT GIRL!" screamed the Witch. "TO THINK THAT SHE'S RELATED TO ME! WHO THE HECK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS, DROPPING KIDS ON MY POTION SHOP AS IF NOTHING ELSE MATTERED!"

"Uh, we'd better go," said Racu uneasily, edging toward the door.

"YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" screeched Syrup, breaking the world record for biggest temper tantrum scream.

"Um… sorry?" Liz offered.

Syrup calmed down somewhat. "Actually, I'm glad you came," she cackled, grinning at them with a full mouth of crooked, yellow witchy teeth. "I needed someone to test my newest potion on! Hee, hee, hee!"

Liz glanced at her watch. It read 3:31. "Umm, actually, we have an urgent appointment at 3:33, and we'll never make it in time-"

"THREE IS THE WITCH'S NUMBER!" Syrup cackled evilly. "You have an appointment- WITH MY POTION!"

Witch Syrup quickly muttered a spell to prevent them from moving, then moved forward toward them with a bottle of red liquid that greatly resembled human blood.

"ARG! VAMPIRES!" Liz screamed. Racu gave her an odd look and she shut up.

"Open wide, little kiddies!" cackled Syrup, whose giggling was more evil than a Teletubby.

"Excuse me, but you don't have a medical license!" shouted Racu. "You need to have one to give me medicine!"

"Uh, yeah, right!" said Liz, playing along. 

"Oh, okay kiddies, but take some potion for the road. HEE, HEE, HEE!" she giggled to herself as she let them leave, magicking the potion into Racu's pack as he left.

"She almost scares me more than Tingle," Racu muttered.

"Who?" Liz asked, interested.

"Never mind," replied Racu quickly. "We have to get to our next dungeon. I wonder where in Sunken City it is?"

Suddenly, in front of them, appeared Bob the French-Fried Kitty Liver!

Just kidding. No, really, who appeared in front of them was… THE GREAT MOBLIN WEARING A CHESHIRE CAT COSTUME?!?!?!?!?!?

Racu and Liz stared in amazement as the Great Moblin struck up a groovy beat, accompanied by bomb blasts from his two Lesser Moblin helpers. 

BANG means a normal bomb explosion, BAAAAANG means a Big Bomb.

THE MOBLIN ROCK! 

A Pointless Song by Evil Neptune!

Now the next dungeon's what you seekers 

To save the world from havoc wreakers,

So if you want to find it this weekers,

Listen to my vocal squeakers AND

Do the Moblin Rock!

BANG, BANG!

Oh, yeah, do the Moblin Rock!

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

Uh huh, do the Moblin Rock!

BANG, BANG, BANG!

And Rock Around My Socks!

BAAAAAAANG!

So to stop the world from being dead,

Calm yourself stop seeing red,

The next dungeon's secret is not to dread,

To open it up just USE YOUR HEAD! AND

Do the Moblin Rock!

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

Yea, babe, do the Moblin Rock!

BANG!

Come on, do the Moblin Rock!

BANG, BANG, BANG!

And Rock Your Stupid…

BANG

ALARM CLOCK!

BAAAAAAAANG!

pauses briefly

Think some intelligent thoughts!

BANG, BAAAAAANG!

With that, the Great Moblin took a bow and vanished in a puff of smoke from the last bomb explosion, dragging his Lesser Moblin stage crew with him.

"Uhhh," Racu said.

"What kind of help was that supposed to be?" Liz asked.

"It wasn't. It was a twisted form of torture," Racu shuddered.

Liz paid no attention to him. "Use your head," the song said. "Think some intelligent thoughts. Hmm, I'm trying to think where this next dungeon might be…"

A rumbling noise suddenly sounded from deep beneath them.

A sudden burst of realization ripped through Racu. "Ouch!" he said. "Realizations hurt when they rip you like that!"

Uh… ignore that comment, please.

"My real burst of realization was… LIZ! YOU'RE A GENIUS! YOU FIGURED IT OUT!"

"I did?" she asked.

"Of course!" Racu replied. "You were thinking intelligent thoughts about how to get into the next dungeon, and the rumbling must have been the next dungeon starting to open up! Quick think about intelligent things!"

Liz recited the Pythagorean Theorem in her head, and Racu thought about the trajectory of a L2 Magic Boomerang as it beat Manhandla's stupid booty off (A/N: I HAAAAAAAATE THAT BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Slowly, as though there were an earthquake, the ground beneath them began to rumble, and a giant brain with a door in front rose out of the ground.

"Uh, Liz?" asked Racu. "I think we found Level 2."


	5. Chapter 4: The Brain Maze is entered, bu...

**__**

Chapter 4

AUTHOR'S NOTES, DISCLAIMERS, AND OTHER RANDOM JUNK:

I own the Legend of Zelda series. I am also the head of Nintendo, and I make about a million dollars a second. I always get every new game and game system for free to test it, and they come in waterproof cases so I can play them in my private swimming pool, in my 10-story mansion on the Oregon coast. Hey, I can dream, can't I?

(I don't own Zelda, genius.)

The large brain-like mass loomed in front of our heroes like… well… like a large brain-like mass. 

"We have to go inside that thing?" Liz asked disgustedly. Racu made no reply except sighing and walking into the spinal cord.

Suddenly, Racu had an image in his mind of a little text box saying "L2: Brain Maze" inside his mind.

"ARGH! What's with all this psychic communication?!?!?"

"What psychic communication?" Liz asked, nonplussed.

"Voices in my head…" Racu said creepily.

"Okay, back away sloooowly," Liz muttered. Racu shook his head, and stared at the walls around him. They seemed to be made of a oozy, slimy, mass that looked like a bunch of oversized worms wrapped around each other. At one end, the oozy stuff had been cut away to reveal a door.

Liz had noticed them also. "Look at these creepy walls!" she said, and poked one with her sword. Instantly, about 30 pounds of pus came oozing out all over the floor.

"Gross," commented Racu as he ran ahead through the door, away from the pus. However, he didn't get very far in the next room before falling into a pit trap.

"HEEEEEEELP!" he screamed as he fell. Liz followed him through the door but couldn't see anything except blackness. 

"Racu?" Liz asked. "Where are you?"

"Down here!" he shouted up. "There's another room here, and… hey, don't bite me you stupid little neurotransmitter! DIEEEE!!!"

Liz heard random sword slashing noises and screams of pain from down below. "Hee, hee, hee!" she heard Racu say then. "I win!"

"Racu? Are you okay down there?" she shouted down.

"Yeah," he replied. "Some neurotransmitters attacked me, but I beat them all. Hey, there's a treasure chest over here! It has a Dungeon Map in it!"

"How come there wasn't a Dungeon Map in L1?" Liz shouted down.

"I guess the author forgot about it," Racu replied. "Anyway, there's a staircase back up here…"

Liz looked to the opposite side of the room and saw Racu, still holding the map and his drawn sword, alight from a staircase there.

"Alight?" Liz asked. "What kind of author uses that word?"

"A really, really, screwed up one," replied Racu. "C'mon, let's get out of this creepy brain."

Liz and Racu walked along the pathway, killing neurotransmitters whenever they saw them, until they reached a puzzle room. It consisted of four signs in a row from left to right, four handles attached to the wall from left to right, and a four blue blocks a little below the signs, in a row from left to right.

"Okay, how do we solve this one?" Liz asked with a sigh.

"Well, let's read the signs," suggested Racu sensibly, doing just this.

The first sign read "three," the second sign, "one," the third sign, "four," the fourth sign, "two." 

"What the heck?" Racu asked. "It's like those screwed up puzzles where they write the word "yellow" in green ink and challenge you to say it right!"

"I'm going to pull one of those handles," Liz announced as she walked to the nearest handle- the second one from the right. She pulled it and the first block transformed into a treasure chest.

"Sweet!" Racu exclaimed as he removed 20 Gale Seeds to add to his Seed Satchel. 

"Cool!" Liz agreed, moving to the handle on the far right. But when she pulled on that handle, the Gale Seeds suddenly vanished from Racu's hand, the door shut behind them, and all four blocks transformed into Brain Bugs!

"Ack!" screamed Racu as an evil-looking bug wearing glasses and with a dictionary under its arm chased him clicking his mandibles.

Liz had already drawn her sword and was fighting with one bug, but another was closing in on her.

"I can't kill it!" she shrieked. "WHY WON'T YOU DIE, STUPID THING!" The bug just clicked its mandibles and rushed forward again.

Racu, as usual, was appraising the situation. "Okay," he said. "They have to have a weak point. They all do." He drew his sword and boomerang and turned to face the bug approaching him.

He sliced at the book in the bug's arm, and knocked it to the ground. "ACK!" said the bug. "How dare you mistreat a dictionary! I'll have you know that those intelligent words cost me $19.95-"

Racu lunged in with his sword while the bug was complaining and taking no notice of him and shattered his glasses with the tip. The bug shrieked and vanished.

"OK, got it!" he shouted to Liz, who was attempting to fend off three bugs at the same time, all of which were attempting to tell her the meaning of the word "kleptophobia." "You have to distract it by getting rid of those books and then go for the glasses!"

"Great!" groaned Liz as she took another point of damage from hearing boring definitions. "Care to help me out at all, or are you going to stand there and watch me be bored to death?"

"Oh, right," replied Racu, as he sent his boomerang flying at one of the Brain Bug's dictionaries.

With a triumphant, feral yell, Liz slashed the bug's eyeglasses into shards before it could say a word.

"Die, stupid language arts freak!" she told it as it vanished.

Racu and Liz quickly dispatched the other two bugs. As soon as they were all gone, the blocks reappeared.

"I wonder what we did wrong?" Racu asked. "The first handle, that third one from the left, seemed correct, but…"

"Aha!" said Liz. "I finally get a chance to figure something out! The _first_ sign had the word _three_ which meant _pull handle three first! _She did so, and Racu took his Gale Seeds back. "So that means-"

"We pull handle number one next!" finished Racu as he did so. The second block transformed into a treasure chest, this time containing a Small Key.

"That's all we need to go forward," Liz said. "We can use the Small Key on the lock and forget about the other chests." 

"Something tells me that's just the kind of trick they're trying to catch us in," Racu said thoughtfully. Let's open the other chests, even risking another fight with the Brain Bugs."

The third chest revealed 1 Rupee. "Oh, how absolutely crucial to our progress," Liz commented, dripping with sarcasm. 

"You be quiet," Racu told her as he pulled the final handle. "Aha! The Dungeon Item!" 

"Hey, there wasn't a Dungeon Item last chapter either! What's up with this author!"

"Yes there was, the Seed Satchel," Racu commented. "Now what is this?" He pulled out what looked like a lightning rod. "What does it do?" 

Liz had just grabbed the rod rudely out of Racu's hand when, suddenly, four more Brain Bugs appeared!

"ACK!" screamed Racu as he drew his sword. "Not those STUPID BUGS AGAIN!!!!!!"

Racu dispatched of one with his sword before it could tell him the meaning of "antidisestablishmentarianism," but Liz was caught by surprise without her sword. Without thinking, she whipped the lightning rod out behind her. She couldn't see what had happened, but she heard electrical-crackly noises and the Brain Bug shrieking in pain before it exploded.

"Whoa, do that again!" Racu said in amazement, not even paying attention to the Brain Bug damaging him with a barrage of vocabulary words because he was so awed by the effect of the lightning-rod-thing.

Liz faced the bug that was attacking Racu and whipped the rod down over her head. A neurotransmitter popped out of the end, zoomed over to the Brain Bug, and electrified it!

"Sweet!" Liz shouted, whipping the rod in a circle around her. A whole army of neurotransmitters quickly dispatched the remaining bug. "It's a Neuro Rod! I heard about these! They create non-evil neurotransmitters to defeat enemies and do stuff for us!"

"Great," Racu replied. "One little issue though- it's MINE! You grabbed it out of my hand!"

"Oh, yeah," Liz grinned sheepishly, and she handed the Neuro Rod back. "Anyway, shouldn't be be finding the mini-boss sometime soon?"

"Don't say that," Racu replied. "You'll jinx it!"

"But we have this sweet rod now, we can get rid of anything!" Liz told him excitedly, grabbing the Neuro Rod back and whipping it around.

"ARGH! Liz, careful where you point that thing!" A neurotransmitter popped out of the end and hopped into Racu's hair, making it all stand up mad-scientist style. Racu put his hands up to brush it out and…

"YEEEEOOOOOWWWWCH!" shrieked Racu like a little girl.

"Oh, c'mon, you wuss!" Liz laughed. "It can't be that ba- YEEEEEOOOOOWWWWCH!"

"Now look who's talking," Racu said, as the neurotransmitter hopped back into neurotransmitter-space. "C'mon."

They used the Small Key on the lock and headed up through a room. Six Moblins attacked, but Racu grabbed the Neuro Rod back from Liz, and, using some Matrix-like moves, whipped it in a double-helix around himself, sending a total of 16 neurotransmitters into the Moblins, who became roasted instantly.

"Yuck!" said Liz. She poked a black smoking Moblin with her sword. It fell apart instantly, and in it's place was a Compass!

"Now that is just gross," commented Racu. "Moblin-meat Compasses? I think not."

"Hey the Dungeon Map says that the mini-boss is in the next room!" Liz shouted.

"Oh, great, that means- WAIT A MINUTE!!! The Dungeon Map doesn't show mini-bosses!" 

"Oh, yeah," shrugged Liz. "Well, it's in the next room anyway. I just know it."

"Uh, huh, bet you 100 Rupees it isn't!" Racu challenged.

"You're on!" was the reply. The two heroes walked through the door into the next room, and-

"Now, children, it's time for your appointment! I am the EVIL PSYCHOLOGIST OF DOOM, and I am the mini-boss of this temple!"

Liz turned to Racu triumphantly. "Pay up, Subrosian Boy!"

Racu looked sheepish. "I… don't… have… 100 Rupees…"

Rolling her eyes and sighing, Liz turned back to the mini-boss, who looked like a ultra-thin lady with tiny eyeballs. Over these eyeballs were a pair of horn-rimmed glasses at least four times as large as the eyes they were covering, hanging on a sparkly blue chain. In her hand was a clipboard and pencil, and she was smiling maniacally.

"Hee, hee, so, do you have any psychological problems?" she asked sweetly. Liz and Racu were backing away slowly.

"Don't… hurt us… nice evil demon lady…" Racu was stuttering.

Suddenly, her voice became more sinister. "Oh yeah? No psychological problems, huh? Well I can GIVE YOU SOME!" And, snarling like a demon, she leaped at Racu and Liz.

Oooh, cliffhanger ending, huh! Well, I'll give you three reasons why this is a cliffhanger ending.

1.This is the perfect spot for one

2.I'm punishing all the authors in the Zelda section (and other sections too- hint, hint, Golden Sun section, mangazgal) who leave us with cliffhanger endings when we are the readers

3.I finally got three nice reviews for ZELDA CHARACTERS IN THE COURTROOM, so I'm going to work on that now, and I need to change modes! Joy!

4. It's a gimmick to get more nice reviews telling me to write more chapters.

Yeah, I know that's four reasons. So sue me. Actually, don't sue me, please, Nintendo?


End file.
